Lumpy's Corner

So there are two atoms traveling along and the first exclaims

"Hey, I lost an electron!"

The second replies "Are you sure?"

The first answers "Yes, I am positive"

Just in case you doubt the Bibles Creation Theory, you know have one more option.

A few days ago I bloged about what I felt to be a rather interesting characteristic of our modern culture. That would be the existence of even more communication technology and what I perceive as a desire to do exactly the opposite. After conversation with my cell phone company and recent experiences with SPAM, I am less perplexed. I find myself wanting to sever all communication ties with society as well. In this blog, I am going to share my newfound understanding of "Sprint Sense". (I am going to write a series of blogs on SPAM in the near future.)

First of all, you will need a little background information. I live in Cleveland, which also happens to the poorest major city in the country. My girlfriend and I are both college students and not necessarily financially wealthy. Living in Cleveland, however, anything above the poverty level puts you in the upper half of the population. In other words, my income is considered "not that bad". My girlfriend is very good with our limited funds but things are nonetheless rather tight financially.

The other piece of background information is that I split my time between two residences. My girlfriend lives on the near west side and I have a place downtown. We share her car and bus frequently.

The above two points considered, it should make "sense" how important an economical cell plan is to me. My objective is simple. No landline and the cheapest possible cell phone. I look over the monthly bill and try not to buy more minutes than I actually use. If my usage would change, I adjust the plan accordingly.

I got this in an e-mail from Marz...

I almost never forward such e-mails but I actually forwarded this one and even posted it on Phoenix's FFAF (Free for all Friday) blog... It is classic...

OBITUARY

Today we mourn the passing of our beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense.

Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in Bureaucratic Red Tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair.

I do enjoy blogging.

I believe that is due to the fact that I enjoy writing.

However, it does demand time and effort. It demands time with internet access. Time demands also include proof-reading, checking facts, researching matters, validating your code, confirming old links are working and de-spamming.

As far as time goes, however, it seems like it is time for me to stop bloggin. My reasons for it are explained below:

I am going to add two new categories today; humor and "Lumpy's Inbox". Today's blog is simply a funny little thing I saw on list serve.

I do not believe in stereotyping or type casting people or groups. I feel it only has one purpose and that is humor. This e-mail played on the very false "Greek Life" stereotype.

I have wanted to do this to people...

...and i want this desktop

Seems like "quick draw McLumpy" is hoppin' about minus a toe. In other words, I think I just shot myself in the foot.

I have been busy this whole year making sure I live up to at least one of my 12 resolutions, which was to write daily. (I did not promise to "post" daily.) I made this resolution for a number of reasons. One of which was the fact that I am well aware that frequent postings make a blog site work. Who wants to read the same old postings.

As a result, traffic to this site is up, I am getting more comments and e-mail, and Google adSense is even generating a miniscule revenue. This is all good. The down side is that lumpy's corner has become a pretty decent spam magnet. This was quite a problem for me and I spent a good deal of time dealing with it and writting about it.

I did manage to defeat the spam. At first, I did so by breaking things. Over the course of a few days of self education, I managed to beat it in a more constructive manner. More specifically, using MTblacklist and no-follow plugins. (Both of which are the subject of an upcoming blog on comment spam.)

They say a "photo is worth a thousand word". They also say "it is all in the name"...

I swear on a Holy Bible I did not alter the photo in any way. This place really exists and it is not vacant.

8:00 AM - Arrive at work notice the light bulb is out.

8:10 AM - Confirm the problem. Ask the nearest employee if the bulb is out. If the employee answers yes, take advantage of the confirmation and use it to gain additional information... Ask the employee if they know who is supposed to change it. (Of course he/she is going to say no because they will fear that you will make them find that said person but YOU are the manager YOU don't know this.)

8:15 AM - Hold a meeting to determine who in the department is responsible for the light bulb. Decide which manager is responsible for implementing the light bulb program.

9:00 AM - "power" break for coffee.

9:14 AM - Resume meeting and detail out the program.

9:30 AM - The appointed manager amends the job description for the employee to change the light bulb, researches light bulb changing, prepares a SOP for light bulb changing and types up the report.

10:45 AM - Meet with Human Resources to approve the job description change.

11:15 AM - Meet with department manager get the new SOP approved

11:45 AM - Meet with head of maintenance to assure your SOP meets all standards.

Noon to 1PM - "power" lunch... you deserve it you have been working hard.

1:15 PM - Meet with the employee who is going to change the light bulb. Have the employee read over the SOP and updated job description. Have the employee print name, date and sign paperwork that states he/she read and understands the SOP and new job description.

1:45 PM - All the paperwork and "hard stuff" is done. Confirm the employee understands by asking him/her in a slow clear voice "do you understand?" The employee says yes and then ask "what do you want me to do with the old bulb?".

2:00 PM - Have a meeting to discuss light bulb disposal...

I am Reading my feeds and I am reading about pictures making blogs better. I got to wondering how easy or difficult it would be to put an image directly into a Movable Type blog.

So I figured I would give it a try. Now all that is left to see is if it is lilly true.

I am all for combining bussiness assets but this is just wrong.

I do not often forward or post e-mails I get. I do, however, make exceptions. Here is one:

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
15. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
25. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass...Then things get worse.
26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and laxative on the same night.
27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.
30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Okay angel, you wanted to see these here.

AND

You are the most. Smile, for that is a wonderful grin you have.

Just in time for the big gift giving holiday

• I like this laptop by Benjamin J. Heckendorn
• My kind of radio
• My ideal car but IO would settle on an older model
• I know Grinny will never go for it but how about a kewl theme wedding
• These slippers have some serious geek apeal
• This convention has passed but, based on the theme, I should still beable to attend
• and while your at it why not get me a dance floor

I am not big on e-mail chain letters but I shall confess that there are a few people who send me classic ones. Marz is one such person.

I am also not too keen that I am uni-lingual. Most of my closer friends are, at least, bi-lingual and I feel that us Americans are a bit arrogent when we mandate that the whole world speak our language.

It also bothers me when I see that a local corner store announces it's obtainment of a liquir liscence by putting up a sign that says "We sale beer now". Nonetheless, there is some humor in eveeything.

Below is something from Marz. Dziękuję. Tęskniłem za Tobą.

1. In a Tokyo Hotel:
   Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notice.
2. Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
   -English well talking.
   - Here speeching American.
3. In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
   To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
4. From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
   When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
5. In a hotel in Athens:
   Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
6. In a Yugoslavian hotel:
   The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
7. In a Japanese hotel:
   You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
8. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
   You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
9. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
   Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
10. From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
    Coolers and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
11. On the menu of a Polish hotel:
    Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
12. In a Rhodes tailor shop:
    Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
13. A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
    It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
14. In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
    Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
15. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
    Would you like to ride on your own ass?
16. In a Bangkok temple:
    It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
17. In a Tokyo bar:
    Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
18. In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
    We take your bags and send them in all directions.
19. In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
    Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
20. In a Budapest zoo:
    Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
21. In the office of a doctor in Rome:
    Specialist in women and other diseases.
22. In an Acapulco hotel:
    The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

A couple of my friends have asked me if I am going to decorate the front lawn for the holidays. Now I have already built a PC with Green and blue lighting inside of it and I was thinking of adding a few red lights and just quitting at that.

I mentioned the day that I received a pretty decent puncture to my leg. After taking some time off due to the painful nature of walking, I returned to work ready to go. The wound did hurt but not any worse than a bruise. It tended to lock up, like a muscle cramp, if I remained stationary too long so l guess working is best. It also felt more than slightly uncomfortable when I squatted. Other than that, the only annoying aspect of it was that my boot constantly rubbed against it.

I remedied the problem with a piece of cardboard partially wrapped around the inside of my boot and secured with tape. It curved the boot outward and away from the punctured area.

Before lunch on the first day of sporting my improvised fashion statement, several of my co-workers had inquired about it, others were teasing me about my "pig bite" and some creatively modified my nickname to "Limpy". (Thanks "dude".)

And then there is Scott, who is always thinking of some creative gag who, while I was at lunch, scribbled "John's Bite Safety Shield" on the cardboard in my boot. Now that is how to pull a guys leg... hehe

Seems that some people find this blond joke pretty funny. I wonder how much time blondes have spent figuring this one out?

It is supposed to be the best blond joke ever. Check it out and let me know what you think.

I just happened to notice this in the daily rotation at the bottom of my page. Is it really a a flying car?

I find it interesting and frightening. Are we not scary enough with four wheels on the road?

Remeber my post about the best blond joke ever?. This is how it was done. Scoble mentioned it caused a traffic jam. Well, so did "melisa" at least ths was funny.

I found this over at digg. This video pokes fun at Apple and the President.

Looks like I missed my chance to get off scott free and here are a few "I didn't know". (Both links via digg.)

This Yahoo Story is rather funny and rather sad. It is a sad sign of our times.

Here are some links I found this week that I thought interesting and/or fun:

• The Periodic Table of the Internet
• This is eerie but very interesting. I would be afraid if this cat curled up next to me.
• Well it seems that those of you who think pot never hurt you might actually be psychotic. (I also have to wonder how they eliminate the stat that those with psychological issues are more likely to use drugs. Is it a symptom or a pre-disposing factor?)
• There has been some success with computers learning baby talk

Some people are afraid Google is going to take over the world. As far as trusting them, I am leery of almost anything on the Internet. Google has mastered helping me get sucked into CyberSpace.

Regardless of your opinion on them, there are some pretty kewl things on this Giant. And one can't deny that they have a sense of humor. Remember Pigeon Rank? There was also the brief era of the Google Bomb. So let’s get all Googley and look at some of these things, mostly from maps.

If you're interested of a pretty long list of general Google links, Neil Patel has a nice one in this article. (Despite being about a year old, the post is still a great list. Be sure to check out the links in the comments as well.)

The inspiration for this article of diversion started with This Digg Post. The Digg Link is discussing a PC World Article that shares 15 kewl pictures. My favorite is the parking problem you see here. I also got a kick out of coke logo they linked to that is supposedly made out of coke bottles. Over the years, I can also recall seeing a flying car!

Before I proceed any further, I must state the following:

I am in now way shape or form responsible if you get sucked into CyberSpace frantically clicking on all these links and links within the articles. YOU are responsible for any of your lost time. In fact, the APA has deferred including Internet Addiction as a disorder. Therefore, unless it involves gambling or porn, you are, at best, just being unproductive. However, if that does happen, just keep clicking your doctor is working on it Before you proceed you may wish to check out this list and see how many disorders you have that are being suggested. (My goal is to lobby for thier inclusion and qualify for full disability. This will free up hours of more time to surf!)

Just look

Some of these links are not from this week but the week before. I still thought them of merit. It is very likely that you will not see a post here for a week or so. I must deal with some tweaks on the server side. Too much to write and too little time.

I thought it was rather kewl that my cats could do some basic tricks. I am rather impressed with this link I hard about on one of many Leo Laprote's podcast. John Dvorak mentioned that he liked it so much he posted it to his blog.

I would also encourage you to check out the actual YouTube Page for more videos and check out the number of views.

The economy is a wreck.

• Hundreds of thousands simply gave up looking for work
• Payroll was slashed by the largest amount in five years
• 63,000 jobs vanished last month
• Is it me, or is this tax refund simply a mute point?

I don't have the answers and it is depressing. Best I can do is offer up some mostly light-hearted stuff.

I thought this post over at LawGeek was kewl. It is a creative point of view "dog diary" and "cat diary".

Thanks to Johnnie Moore for bringing my attention to this video. I agree Mr. Moore, Facebook is fun but it can get excessive. The video is great! Disclaimer!!! If you can not get this one out of you head afterwards, I am not to blame.

I admit I found it a riot. Confirming the link to post it in delicious and part of the category TidBits. I watched the entire thing again. Then I went down the slope of You Tube's "Related Videos" and wasted some time. It was fun. Here are a few more YouTube Videos about Facebook. Also a more serious warning..

• Not Safe for Work and children!! A good two and a half minutes about Taking Facebook Poking to a new Level
• Bob Dylan's Facebook Song
• From College Humor; Facebook Off, a spoof on the movie Face Off
• Facebook - too much information is satirical monologue
• Here is another Facebook Parody
• Again not safe for work but The Official Cambridge Facebook Song is funny and high quality
• One last link; Facebook News Network

I found this via my My delicious Network. Not only is it furniture but functional.. Thought it was worth a quick post.