Lumpy's Corner

Good Day Cyber Junkies,

I am not one who regularly reads the newspaper but I do need to pick one up from time to time because I need something to wrap fish in, line the cupboards and the bottom of the birdcage. When I went to work today, I was blessed with a free paper abandoned by the worker before me. Dilbert, in my opinion, was good. (Opus is good as well but not available on-line.)

In addition, more of my opinion, the comics seem to be the only good part of the paper anymore. That is unless you are into the tabloid like nature our local newspaper has demoted itself to. Living in a one newspaper town sucks.

Enough gloom though, I get lots of e-mails and usually do not deal with forwarding them. Marz sent me an an obituary recently that made me break the rule. She sent me this one about voters, which may explain why Clinton was so popular. (Of course, the last presidential election is sited as an example for deli mea.)

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought two cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

. . . . He also votes!

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.

. . . . My friend also votes!

My girlfriend and I were picking up some sandwiches from the sub place last week and she asked the clerk which of two sandwiches was better. The clerk didn't have an opinion but did say that the first sandwich was more expensive. My girlfriend got a quizzical look on her face and asked, "If that's the case, why they both are listed with the same price on the menu?" To this, the clerk responded, "I don't think we add tax to the turkey."

. . . . The clerk also votes!

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was safe. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"

. . . . She also votes!

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, (and has for some time), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."

She votes!

I used to work in technical support for a 24x7-call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

. . . . . . He also votes!

So my colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the admin. Assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."

. . . . . She also votes!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

. . . . . . My sister also votes!

That does not deter me from exercising my right to vote but it does instill a desire to make a t-shirt that says "I see dumb people". I do not know if all of those stories are true but I believe they are quite possible. I know I have seen some dumb things in my day.

For example:

• A computer lab at a university which shall remain nameless purchased wireless mousses for all the PCs but refused to install them until they could figure out a way to "secure" them. Eventually a thin cable was glued to each mouse and PC.
• The same nameless school installed a lock on a classroom door the day after the new plasma-glow TV was stolen.
• A sign on a handicapped lift that directs them to the basement of the building for assistance. The sign indicates that the office is "at the bottom of the stairway".
• A person who was irate at the IST personnel because they needed a modem to connect to the network from their house. Unbelievably, they thought all they should need was the free CD ROM
• A student who had just explained to me that they were so bright because they earned a four-year degree in two and a half years. The same student was upset because the "stupid geology department" did not have any maps but only rocks. He was graduating to become a civil engineer and I swear to the heavens that he was serious.
• A cashier at an Arby's located, lets just say, south of the Ohio River (sticking with the geology thing) who tried desperately to explain to me that they only had one kind of ice after I had ordered "a large coke with light ice".

I think that is enough on stupidity for now and I feel you hear enough of it from me. I would like to mention two more nice links today. I am a Christian and do like to find nice sites about the Almighty. HolyPhil Blog and Smile-JesusLoveYou.org are two such example. "Dad" from Jesus loves you even stopped by and posted a comment here. I hope both of them keep up the bloggin and I hope Dad keeps writing.

L8tr,
Lumpy