First of all, sorry i have not blogged much of the late. I just do not have the time i used to with my academic schedule and even when I am not in school I am too busy working 60+ hours a week.
There are still times when i feel the need to write. Today is one of them. And, actually, there have been many of them since i last blogged. I have dozens of drafts sitting in my "Drafts" folder. I guess the need to write was just not as strong nor important as it is today. I just had to say what i have to say before i went to sleep.
And my title is likely to give away just what this blog is about... Definitely something I have much experience with... Seems I am far from alone in that boat. I noticed a couple of my internet IRC buddies showing me just that.
Let me start with my last bout of major stupidity. It happened during this past semester. I, to make a long story short, was stressing much. Over school... Over money... Over feeling too old to be in school... Over life in general... Basically, some type of mid life crisis. I do hope, however, that I survive well past eighty and this crisis was premature. I do not hope to have another one at fifty though...
I have this fine, wonderful friend whom I shall just refer to a M. M and I were rather tight during this semester. I met M via her younger sister who I shall refer to as K. M and I scheduled our classes together as much as we could. We studied together as much as we could but also realized that we distracted each other from our studies just as well. Thus the good friendship began.
I am not one to get real personal in this blog. Lets just say some REAL Real bad stuff was going down in my life. Being Lumpy, I did what I do best... I went triple stupid. First, I decided that it was my problem and my problem alone so I did not let M have any idea what was going on. Second, I let it build up inside of me... Rage, Anger and all that is bad. This of course led me to the final stage of stupidity... I took it out on her. I blew up... Told her to FO... and stormed off the campus...
Despite popular belief, I am still human. I felt like sh.t... I then proceeded to the level of extreme stupidity... I drank heavily, sent her an e-mail apologizing and telling her that it might be best if she just wrote me off. I simply felt I do not deserve friends like her... and I meant it. She really did not deserve what i laid on her.
Final stage... pass out... which I do rather well.
Then there is this knock on my door. No surprise to you, I am sure, as to who it is...
"I knew you would send me an e-mail saying something like that."
"It is the truth. You don't deserve it." I reply.
Then a conversation ensued... I don't remember all the details... side effect from passing out. The bottom line is that she said it was all good and even accepted the fact that I did not wish to discuss what was bugging me. Later that night, much later that night and better put the next morning, online in IM I actually told her what was bugging me. She was over in minutes. She was there for me and the most. This brings me to my point of this whole rambling article.
Stupidity is innately part of human nature. M showed me the better part of stupid. Nobody really deserves anybody. We stupidly decide who we wish to stick with and stand by despite any logical reason not too. M stupidly forgave me, supported me and was there for me. No one could have blamed her if she chose not too. The better part of stupid was shown. Thank You M.
I did not, praise the Lord, repeat stupid. We are ALL human. We are all inherently stupid? I mean look at the whole story of Adam in the garden? Tempted by a piece of fruit in front of an unclothed woman? Like how dumb is that? It is in all of us. We all have bad days and do bad things. To my IRC friends, why not just let things drop and move on. M and I managed it fine mucho thanks to her sweat heart. To both of you. You both feel bad about it and the only way to get over it is to just forget about it and hold on to what matters most. In your cases, some type of long distance bond. I think that is the best way to phrase it.
ALL humans do stupid things. Wrong things. If I had been honest with myself and M, I would have avoided that whole problem. Instead, I acted a Fool, created much drama and, somehow, ended up a bit wiser. M and I do not spend as much time together now. Time changes things. We both have full and hectic schedules. Bottom line is, the time I wasted with silly and foolish pride could have been better spent. Both of you but especially the male involved for we are more prone to this pride thing, get over it. OK?
Good Night all. Lumpy is now known as zzZLumpZz